The journey is so daunting

You ever watch those movies where someone is trekking across the desert , panting and sweating , ready to drop dead from exhaustion? Yes that is me when I exercise which is why I have avoided it for so long. Let me start back a little earlier: I grew up carefree and happy, no concern for food and what I ate (don't all kids?) and was skinny and lovely well into my teens. I will never forget being 17, 120lbs and slipping on my bikini to go to the river with my girlfriends. I had not a care in the world as I flaunted my flat tummy and thin thighs and scarfed down Doritos & gulped down coke and root-beer. Fast forward 15 years: I now pant when I walk up the stairs and struggle helplessly to fit into my "skinny jeans" I haven't worn a bikini in public since I was 17...well I take that back. Multiple trips to a Fiji resort I could not help but swim, but with so many old people there I hardly cared what they thought. I figured " I will never see you again so why does it matter if you see my thighs flap in the wind"?
Let's back track a little to the tender age of 27. I was married at the time and very overweight. I was depressed about how I looked and my self worth had diminished to such a low point I knew if I did not grasp it back it would be gone forever. I immediately cut all my bad eating habits" no fast food, no soda, and i stopped eating red meat or pork. I joined a womens gym called "Curves" and within 6 months I had lost 40 lbs. Fast forward to now: I am divorced and living with my wonderful, supportive boyfriend. Over the last 5 years I stopped exercising, but stuck with the food I had cut out. However my eating habits were not always so great. Large portions, ice cream 3 times a week...I figured since I cut the other stuff out "I deserved it". Well last week I met a friend for coffee, and after browsed the antique mall connected to the coffee shop.As I was browsing I came across it. yes it. the evil. the succubus.A scale. It sat there staring at me dauntingly " Come on Erin step on me, you KNOW you want to know your weight" After sweating it out for a few minutes I decided to climb aboard.Sigh. Let's just say the rest of the day was spent sobbing woefully about what I had gained back and how could I do this to myself....That's when I decided to buck up: "I am the boss of me" I thought; I am going to FIGHT THE DAMN SUCCUBUS! I am going to show it who's boss. I decided to cut sugar and bread out of my diet and exercise 5 days a week. I am keeping a food journal to track what I eat. I have a goal weight, and when I reach it I plan on buying a bikini and posting pics of me on face-book! I know SHAMELESS PLUG of myself! But I don't care ok!?!?! When I set out to do something i win....and I am shooting for the finish line. Stay tuned for daily posts of my progress! Ok, back to daydreaming of bagels and chocolate..........